


Though I'm Lost For Words, My Lips Remember How To Kiss

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same [26]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: 'I'm glad we're alive' kiss, Kissing, M/M, POV Second Person, Post-O.W.C.A. Files, the whole OWCA Files team is here but they're not the focus so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: "You saved me," you say, to fill the silence.





	1. > Heinz: Fall to your doom.

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like writing a sloppy interspecies makeout. *shrug*

You hadn't thought it'd turn out like this. One minute you'd had the villain of the day - who called himself Zane, which was _not_ fear-inspiring at all, what happened to a good old-fashioned evil-sounding name? - surrounded, you and Perry the Platypus and everyone else. The next, he pushes a bright red self-destruct button and the whole cliffside _lair_ explodes.

Seriously, who _does_ that? It's not usable afterwards, and the _repair_ bills are practically _highway robbery_ \- you know, you could do something with that... if you were still an evil scientist. Which you're not.

The things you think about when you're falling to your doom.

Something collides with your stomach and you wheeze, curling around... Perry the Platypus? He swings you both around to a small ledge halfway down the cliff with his oh-so-fancy grappling hook he's refused to let you touch. You just want to _improve_ it, you're not going to install a self-destruct button! Well, you might. You never know. _Anyway_. He saved you.

"You saved me," you say, to fill the silence. Even though it isn't really _silence_ with rocks still falling past you, but it was a space that needed filling and you're good at doing something about those. Possibly too good.

All he does is _stare_ at you with those gorgeous brown eyes of his, ignoring the dust in his fur like the badass he is. If you had to guess, which you do because _he's_ good at the whole _silence_ thing, you'd say he's going "yes, yes I did", like it's _obvious_. Which you suppose it is.

You huff, leaning back against the cliff and folding your arms. "You didn't _have_ to, I was perfectly capable of saving _myself_ -"

He hits your mouth and it takes you a second to realise what _with_. Not his fist but his bill, smooth and rubbery and _why is he kissing you_ , you didn't expect this at all, not to mention his technique's all wrong. Not that you've _thought_ about it, of course, nor have you drawn diagrams and made models to figure out just how a kiss would work with his bill, and it doesn't matter when he's _right here_ so you bring your hands up to curl around his jaw, showing him how it's done.

In the list of things you'd thought could happen today, this would be right down the bottom, right next to "taking over the Tri-State Area". That goal's not dead, just... put on the backburner for now. You'll get there someday, you're sure of it.

 _This_ one, on the other hand... you take your time, kissing him gently, running your tongue across his... on a human you'd call it the top lip but he doesn't have one of those, really, but he _likes_ it when you brush your tongue against it so you keep going, learning all the things that make him gasp into you.

His fur is so soft under your hands, softening his firm muscles, and you're aware, in the back of your mind, how sharp and bony you are. How does he find _you_ attractive? Him, _Perry the Platypus_. He's out of your league. But no, here he is, kissing _you_.

If it wasn't for the rocks under your butt slowly making their displeasure known, you'd think it was a dream. You almost wish it was, because then you wouldn't have to pull away to _breathe_.

Or... feel _him_ pull away. Not far, his breaths gust against your lips from how close he still is, but enough to ache.

You open your eyes, slowly. He's still here, all two foot nothing of semiaquatic perfection, staring at you like you're the only thing that matters in the world. It's _flattering_ , even though it's not true - it can't be - and you swallow. How do you tell him... well, anything? There's so much you want to say, and it's all getting stuck in your throat, so you kiss him instead because at least that makes sense.

He's much better at it this time, nipping at your lip until you open your mouth for him, tongue flicking against yours. Quick learner. You can't help but smile at that, because of course he is, he's _Perry the Platypus_.

"Found them!" Maggie squawks from behind him, and you both - you and Perry the Platypus - break apart to look at her... and at Harry abseiling down the cliff with Karen on his shoulder. Busted.

Perry the Platypus takes a deep breath, paw slipping from your shirt, and you can see the exact moment he's Agent P again. All business, focusing solely on the mission. No room for you.

Somehow it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.

Maggie grins at you both, ruffling her feathers in what you've come to recognise as a sense of satisfaction. "All done!"

"You hear that, Perry the Platypus?" you say as he relaxes. "We did it! Well, _they_ did most of it, but we're a team so it's really all of us anyway-"

He hits your mouth, with a paw this time, but he's smiling so it's not like he _minds_ , really. Especially not when he tugs your hand loose and holds onto it, tiny teal fingers curling around your own.

Heat rises in your cheeks as you glance down at them, then up to meet his beautiful eyes. You could get lost in them, counting every fleck of gold amongst the brown...

"Get a room!" Maggie yells, and Harry - who's finally made it to the ledge, you notice - doubles over laughing.

Rolling his eyes at them, Perry the Platypus tugs you to your feet. He's still smiling, only faintly but you've known him long enough to recognise it. It's the one he gets when he's watching soap operas with you, knowing he doesn't have to leave and letting himself enjoy the show.

That's what you'd thought at the time, anyway. Times. It's happened a lot, actually. But after this, you think maybe it's not the soap operas causing that smile.

Without warning, he pulls you down and kisses you again, _clearly_ not caring about your audience, and why would he? They're just as much _his_ as you are. Just without the kissing. Only _you_ get the kissing, and you don't _share_.

He's gentle this time, and thorough, resting his free paw against your cheek to tilt your head in _just_ the right way to let his tongue dance with yours. Or fight, really. There's never been all that much difference, he defeats you either way. Too good. But then again he's _Perry the Platypus_. It's his _job_ to be the best.

"We have _got_ to work on your kissing technique, Perry the Platypus," you murmur into him when he pulls away for air. And by _work on_ you mean give him the means to destroy you. Your own personal self-destruct button. "Once we get home. We _are_ going home, right?"

The glare he gives you for that _clearly_ states you're lucky he doesn't kick you off the side of the cliff. Which you are. Falling to your doom - _again_ \- is not your idea of a good time.

Although it did work out well last time, you think, glancing back down at where he's still holding your hand. Maybe you should do it more often-

Or not. His eyes narrow, telling you he knows _exactly_ what you're thinking and he doesn't like it one bit. But what does he know? Other than, well, everything about you. Including the things you don't share with anyone else, like your deepest insecurities and your fears. And your hopes, buried deeper than either. He's your nemesis, your best friend, _technically_ your boss now but you don't care about that part and you don't think _he_ does either, and now... whatever's coming from _this_. Which is exciting. You can't wait to find out where it leads.

Just as soon as you make it back to Danville. Near-death experiences really take a lot out of you - you should know, you've had a _lot_ of them - and all you want to do is curl up on your couch and watch a movie. Or, if Perry the Platypus agrees to join you, _ignore_ a movie in favour of kissing some more. That sounds like a _far_ better plan. One of your best.

A _way_ better plan than your idea to _teleport_ you all out here to fight... Zane... Seriously, what kind of evil scientist calls himself "Zane"? Doesn't inspire fear in the _slightest_ , not like _your_ name. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, now there's a name that screams "evil". Literally. Because you scream... Anyway. "No, really, how are we getting home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing fell into place oddly well, actually. Especially considering I started it at uh 1am. (I mean, it hasn't even been 12 hours since then, and I slept in that time... >.>)


	2. > Perry: Get everyone home safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting to write another chapter, it just... happened. Felt like writing more sloppy interspecies makeouts, I guess.

> Be Perry the Platypus

Narrowing your eyes at your disaster of a nemesis as he continues rambling, you pull out your phone with your free paw, typing in a quick message. You have an idea, and you're fairly sure he won't like it. But it'll get you all home.

My fool nemesis got us stuck, how soon can u b here?  
P. #[ ]">

Adding the coordinates, you send it off and settle in to wait. Heinz's hand flexes in your grip and you squeeze back, leaning against his leg.

It's not the first time you've been stuck in the middle of nowhere with him. Honestly, it happens a lot. You're used to it. At this point you'd rather be here than stuck in the middle of nowhere _without_ him, because at least this way you have the pleasure of his company.

The annoyance, really, but he's grown on you. Like mould.

Closing your eyes, you allow yourself a moment to breathe. He's safe. They're all safe. Maggie's found a perch on Harry's fedora while he draws in the thin layer of dirt. Karen weaves between Heinz's legs, purring. And Heinz...

He's backstorying again, and you know you should be paying attention but all you can think about are the lips saying the words. How they'd felt on your bill. You want to drag him off somewhere private and kiss him until the shape of them is as familiar as your own paws-

Your phone buzzes with Peter the Panda's answer.

anythng for u bby  
eta 1h

Insufferable. Just like Heinz, if Heinz was a panda and also didn't respect your professional boundaries. No wonder they're _friends_.

And you're fine with that, their friendship, as long as Heinz is honest with you about it. No more sneaking around behind your back. It's good for Heinz to have friends, you can't deny that, but the disastrous way he'd gone about it that first time has left you wary.

Still.

At least Peter had understood where you were coming from, that night in Seattle. You've kept in contact since, talking about work and-

kiss him yet?

Thankful for the fur hiding your blush, because your agents do _not_ need to see you off-balance like this, you jab your thumb at the screen.

Shut up

It's none of his business. Ignoring the buzz of another message coming in, you slide your phone back into its pocket in your hat, adjusting the brim. You regret ever telling him _anything_. He'll only use it against you, especially the fact you've thought about kissing your nemesis in his stupid face entirely too often for it to mean nothing.

At least it worked out, you think, squeezing Heinz's hand again. He glances down at you, mid-monologue, a faint smile on those cursed _lips_ , and you push that out of your mind while you draw a finger around the outside of your watch where he can see it. Rescue now, kissing later.

"An hour? What's happening in an hour- oh, a rescue? Perry the Platypus, I could just-"

...

Okay, _kissing_ now. You curl your fingers around his jaw, losing yourself in the heat of his mouth, and wonder why you waited this long.

Professionalism, probably. You have a reputation to uphold as an agent of the O.W.C.A., after all. A force of Good. And, as _the_ top agent especially, you shouldn't get into bed with Evil. Figuratively or otherwise.

A small voice in the back of your mind says you shouldn't date subordinates either, but you ignore it. Heinz is different. He's your nemesis, your best friend, your equal in all the ways that matter; your position has nothing to do with any of it.

Besides, the man's turned out to be dangerously good at kissing.

You may not have had much experience at this, but _he_ has. And he puts it to good use, wielding that tongue of his in ways you hadn't even imagined were possible, making your head spin. Dizzying, that's what this is. As soon as you get everyone home, you're finding a secluded corner and making him teach you all his tricks. It's only fair.

He pulls away first, smiling at you. " _Some_ one's enthusiastic," he says, in a whisper meant for your ears only, and you can't help the shiver that runs down your spine. "You're so good, you know that? So at _trac_ -"

Slapping a paw over his lips, you meet his eyes then glance at your audience, your team. They're not looking, but that doesn't mean they're not paying attention.

Harry's ear flicks.

Right. You exhale, pushing your feelings aside. Time to be the team leader again. Convince Heinz to set you back down so you can fold your paw into his hand again. Get your team home.

Adjusting your hat again so it sits securely on your head, as if it wasn't already, you call them over. Their expectant gazes settle on you, as heavy as the weight of your responsibility, and you stare back helplessly. Where do you even begin?

"Perry the Platypus says we're getting picked up in an hour," Heinz says, beside you, and you give his hand a grateful squeeze. Talking's always been more his thing, anyway. "Well, not _quite_ an hour any more, it was a few minutes ago, wasn't it?, but the point is, we're getting rescued!"

Maggie and Harry cheer. Next to them, Karen curls up with a contented twitch of her tail. It's almost enough to make you sorry for what you're about to do. Almost.

You pull out the usual post-mission paperwork from your hat and hand it out, ignoring the protests. They'll learn. Better to be be productive now, while you wait, than cut into your already-limited sleep later.

The first one to give in is Heinz, dropping to the ground with only mild complaining and taking the offered pen from your fingers. You always carry a spare, since he tends to forget his. The others follow not long after, taking their forms and settling into their own small sections of the ledge, and then all you can hear is the soft scratch of pen on paper and Heinz's quiet mumbling.

He's still holding your paw.

Smiling, you settle in next to him, leaning back against his leg with your own report in paw. You've filled out a lot of these over the years. Enough that you can do it in your sleep if need be. You've had to, when you've been on a late-night mission and don't get home until the dark hours of the morning and need to be up at first light. It's more common than it sounds.

The time passes quickly as you work through the paperwork, and before you know it your phone's buzzing with a new message. That must be Peter again.

where r u?

Ledge facing lair. Can't miss it

You think that's the last of it, until-

lol. cute.

Flushing under your fur, you look up, at your team and the way they're all curled on or around you. By which you mean Heinz. Karen's draped around his shoulders and dozing, Harry's using his knee as a pillow, Maggie's perched atop his fedora and scratching her signature into the forms. He's even pulled you into his lap while you weren't paying attention.

He's monologuing at them, and you can tell they're not listening but his grin is so bright that it doesn't matter, you could watch him forever-

Except that's when Peter lands his hoverjet. It's larger than yours, still, because OWCA may have a bigger budget now but replacing a functional hoverjet is too far, and yours is functional. Well, repairable. Apparently. It's been in for repairs for the last two months, after Heinz crashed it, immediately after the _last_ time it came back... You don't know why you put up with him sometimes.

You remember why when he freezes up, eyes flicking nervously between you and- "Peter the Panda?" he asks. Too cute for his own good, you swear.

Squeezing the hand still wrapped around your paw, you smile at him. He has nothing to worry about. It's not like their friendship's a secret. You know, and you encourage it, because it makes _him_ happy and that's what matters. The incident over summer was a one-off, it's all in the past, you _trust_ him. He's earned your trust.

Peter's raising an eye at your back, you can tell. Don't need to _look_ to feel his judgemental stare, asking the same question you'd refused to answer earlier.

Which, fine. Two can play at that game. You let out a low chirr and your team scrambles back. All except Heinz. _Him_ , you pull into a kiss, pressing your body flush against his, _claiming_ him for everyone to see.

The thought's more appealing than you care to admit.

Heinz appreciates it too, making a soft noise of encouragement when you trace your tongue over his lip, clutching at the fur on your shoulders. All of which makes it harder to pull away.

But pull away you do, flashing him a quick smile before you turn to face Peter. You trust _him_ too, that's why he's here, standing straight and silent by his hoverjet. Watching.

"This is your grand rescue plan, Perry the Platypus?" Heinz complains, thumb rubbing over your knuckles.

Peter's ear twitches in what you've come to identify as amusement, the only break from his usual impassive stare. The only sign he's _laughing_ at you, the jerk.

You want to roll your eyes at both of them. Why are all your friends _insufferable_.

Instead of doing something so _childish_ and _petty_ in front of your team, you nod your head at the hoverjet. _Someone_ has to be the responsible one.

Another ear twitch, hopefully in acknowledgement but knowing him it's more laughter because he's that sort of jerk, and he opens up the door at the back with the push of a button. An _automatic_ door.

You're not jealous.

Okay, maybe you're a little jealous. You don't get the funds for anything like _that_ at the Danville branch. Even your equipment barely makes it into the budget. But you're a professional, so you gesture your team in anyway. Harry's bulk means it'll be a tight fit to get the five of you in, because apparently even the Seattle branch's funds have limits, but you'll all _fit_.

Heinz stands with a groan, squeezing your paw again. "Just us left, huh?" he says, and you nod. So if he can just...

Lift you into his arms and _carry_ you into the hoverjet...

You should be irritated. It's undignified, especially in front of your team, and sets a bad example. But he's _Heinz_.

Abandoning all pretence of professionalism, you burrow into his side with a yawn. It's been a long day. Your team's safe, you're all on the way back home, and you can finally relax. Tuck your head in, twitch your tail across one of the warm bodies next to you, Maggie's back from the squawk, and settle in for the trip.

...

OWCA's going to _freak_ when they find out.

U won't tell rite?

:)

Jerk.

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from [You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTeiiy07gzE) by Adam Lopez. Easiest titling ever, haha. I'd made a note of it a while ago, bc I knew it'd make an _amazing_ title, so when I decided to write a gratuitous kiss (which btw was the working title, hashtag yolo) I already had it waiting there for me.
> 
> As always, [Perryshmirtz server~](https://discord.gg/eEhRMq3)


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